This is the Life I Wanted

Figs in July recovering after winter of 2013-4 nearly killed them.

***

A THREAD OF LIGHT XVI.  January 5, 2014

I remember how much I wanted

to live here on my own land, growing my

food, feeding myself and my friends.

I learned how.  This is the life I wanted,

and I made it possible, with help, but

that, too, required me to keep my

inward sun aflame.  In one way, it’s all

that matters.  Exactly how we manage it

is up to us, but that inner flame 

will help us if we let it.

--A Thread of Light IV.

For Dr. Russell Harris

Today my inner flame burns bright again.

It never went out, but there was an arctic

blast that tried to extinguish it–not on

purpose but because it was focused on

an abstract goal, ignoring me, my 

essential health, the accumulated wisdom

I’ve come to from years of trusting myself

and fighting when others didn’t.  You

side-stepped that oh-so-scientific blast,

noticed my dismay and the nearly invalid

mode I’d slipped into and woke me up

with your words: “I want you to resume

your normal active life.”  It didn’t take

much to convince me.  It was there all 

the time, hovering, trying to get a foot

in the door that you stepped through

and opened wide.  These days so many

doctors don’t heal, but you do.  Those

years we argued and listened to each

other, we built trust.  It was your

diagnosis I trusted, your advice I

immediately implemented.  The flame

burns bright again.  You heal.  I tell

the story.  People will listen to us 

both now–maybe for a long time.